Tuesday, June 14, 2011

It was getting hotter and hotter by the second. I saw a girl approaching from far off. I remember thinking "Oh. It's because she's so hot". I don't know why I came to that conclusion but I did. The girl approached me and I could almost feel my face melting off and collecting in a puddle on my feet.
"Hey sweetie" She called.
"Oh, hey!"
"So!" She said with the air of a person about to launch into a detailed narrative. I waited politely.
"So my boyfriend just broke up with me!" She said, not sadly, I noticed.
"You seem awfully bright for a person who just had a breakup"
"Well, Duh! I'm a star! I'm supposed to be bright"
"Ahan" I said, remembering a friend who said 'Ahan' whenever he didn't quite know what to say.
"So Carina asked for a bit of Hydrogen for the ball and I was like, no way!, I knew she seemed a bit down and I didn't want Luke noticing her and anyway I wanted the boys for myself and she was like 'you're so mean' and I was like 'whatever' and then at the ball when I was dancing I tried to grope Luke and I noticed him looking at the bitch all the time, He was all 'Carina Sharina seems a bit down today' I mean what the fuck! I was trying to have a good time and the bastard kept interrupting and then he went away to talk to her and the bitch told her about the Hydrogen thing and he broke up with me. He as all 'you're too mean, you should help people out' like I was fucking Angelina Jolie or something, like I don't have other things to do! Anyway, wanna fuck?"
"Um..no" I said again, quite at a loss for words
"What do you mean Ahan?" She frowned.
" It's just that I didn't know stars could talk" I said stupidly.
"Well I can't, Idiot" She started giggling. I just stared at her with my mouth agape, and then she started shrinking and shrinking until she was a tiny ball of light no bigger than my hand and vanished.
"Ahan" I said to myself, again, quite at a loss for words. Suddenly I remembered why I was outside in this heat. I was supposed to be getting chicken, but I'd lost my way. 'I suppose I can't be that far off.' I started walking in the general direction I thought would lead me to the shop. I walked and walked. I think I walked for quite a long time. It was night now. The sun was gone without me even noticing it's descent. 'weird' I thought. In the dark I could see a blue something approaching me, as it neared I realized it was a T-shirt, and wearing it, the guy from Blue's clues.
'You lost, little boy?' He asked with a leer.
'I..er...no, not really.'
'I bet you can find your way home if you just looked for some...' He let the sentence hang in the air.
'LOL, yeah!"
'You're not supposed to say L-O-L in real life.' I said, feeling instantly that I had made a mistake when I noticed his eyes getting smaller and his face scrunching up. He let out a huge sob.
'Um..are you...are you alright' I asked awkwardly.
'It's just that....that...I have to work in a shitty children's show...a very retarded children's show!....just for some dollars....and...and.....I think I'm losing touch with real life.' He started coming closer and closer. I thought he wanted a hug until he planted a very wet kiss right on my lips.
'DUDE' I pushed him away. 'What the fuck are you doing?'
'Wait.." He paused awkwardly, the tears forgotten. 'Aren't you gay?'
'No, no I'm not!'
'Aw, come on man!'
'Stop pretending! I won't judge'
'That's rather offensive Mr.Blues clues guy. I am very much straight' I said, rather offended. He let out a huger sob.
'I AM NOT THE BLUE'S CLUES GUY! I HAVE FEELINGS TOO! I CAN'T KEEP LOOKING FOR STUPID CLUES' He ran away into the dark doing the Jazz hands and shouting profanities.
"Ahan" I said again, to no one. I was saying 'Ahan' a lot today, I noticed.
I walked on and on again it seemed for a very long time. This days was turning rather peculiar, I thought. Suddenly from out of nowhere a branch whacked my face. 'Fuck!' I yelled loudly.
'Duuude!, You can't say fuck!' A blue caterpillar sitting on the branch said to me.
'Why not?' I had stopped getting alarmed now.
'Because I say so!'
'You've said that about 'twenty three thousand, two hundred, seventy three' times in your life.
'Ahan' I said bewildered. The caterpillar was better than me at maths!
'That doesn't really require maths, just observance'
'Ahan' I said again.
'That makes it 'twenty three thousand, two hundred, seventy four'
'Ahan' I said again.
'That makes it-
'Oh I know!'
'Oh wow look! A bottle' He pointed with his face downwards towards the road. I picked it up. 'Drink me' It was written on it. I opened the bottle and drank it'
'What was that?' I asked the carterpillar.
'A potion that makes you shrink'
'Really?' I asked. I shouldn't be surprised, I thought.
'No you retard, It's probably poison or maybe alcohal. You're not in fucking wonderland!'
'That makes it-'
'Oh, shut up!' Now that I thought about it, I was feeling a bit dizzy.
A light was looming towards me drunkenly. I realized it was the sun rising really fast. Like somebody had put it in fast motion. The shop was right in front of me. I bought some chicken while the shopkeeper looked at me strangley. I looked in a mirror propped to the side and realized I was moving in a circle drunkenly, all the while singing Bloody Mary by Lady Gaga. I got the chicken and ran home like my non-existent tail was on fire. All of a sudden a ditch rose in front of me and I almost fell in it but saved myself at the last second. But my chicken fell in.
Oh well.., I thought.
I went back home and banged on the door. My sister opened it and greeted me with a frown.
'You were gone for like, a day'
"That makes it 'twenty three thousand, two hundred, seventy five' She said with a clever smile.
'WHERE'S YOUR CYCLE?'My mother shouted from her room.
'You lost it didn't you! Get out of my house! GET OUT'
I made my way out the house and sat at the foot of the gate while passerbys laughed at pointed at my face. Apparently, somebody had drawn a moustache on my face.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

I think I should mention before saying anything else, that in about 9 hours, I have my Biology A level, which it turns out is horrendously difficult. Made much more difficult by the incompetence of our teacher. >.< So naturally, I write a post and waste about 2 hours on Youtube.
Also, Is naming your post as difficult for you as it is for me? I could just sit there for about an hour staring at the wall and nothing would occur to me. By the by a spider has been staring at me for the past 3 hours as it did about a week ago. No spider, no, I am not trisexual. Also, i hate your species, especially after that traumatizing scene in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.
I have been feeling, to put it mildly, rather horny in the past few weeks. I guess I understand now what Aunty meant by the 'Monster of Hornitude' or whatever it was. It is a cruel, cruel thing. My imagination runs rather wildly, naked too.
Have you yet realized that I can't think of anything useful to say? Me, too. Oh hey, btw I got my name in a magazine! The school magazine, which kind of sucks and there are only about four articles worth reading and the font would make your eyes and ears bleed simultaneously and one of the article actually made me barf and the editor doesn't even know the difference BETWEEN THERE AND THEIR AND THERE ARE TONS OF SPELLING MISTAKES AND SOME ARTICLES ARE CLEARLY RIPPED FROM HARRY POTTER AND...ahem..yeah. But still, It feels nice to have your name in the editorial board. :)
So what should I do now? Clearly, watching more videos on youtube and reading about the 10 most bizarre things people in the Arab countries do isn't the answer. So I shall go and study some more. Or maybe accidentally-on-purpose stab myself with the book cover and die. Biology sucks.

Sunday, April 24, 2011


One thing I love about blogging is the themes. No matter the visitor, followers or the sense of accomplishment you get after writing a post, the different themes are the best part of blogging. At least for me. This might be because I just won a Photography competition in school,(YES I DID!) and am feeling a bit artistic, but that's beside the point. So here we go, another theme! :)
This thing reminds me of my childhood. While I can go on and rant about the homework and the chores, what I really miss is the innocence. And I know that sounds incredibly cheesy and tacky but It's true. Wouldn't it be nice not to know about all the bad things and just stay in a safe little bubble of your imagination? Yes, yes it would. I really miss that. And so I dedicate this theme to our lost innocence!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

A Glorified Rant..

I call it glorified because people usually don't rant on blogs. Or maybe they do, I couldn't care less...and that's just the point. I don't feel like caring about anything. I suppose this is just another phase of the mad phase of life called Teendom. I feel like my pet chihuahua named pinky died, even though i hate little dogs and would gouge my eyes out before I name anything pinky.
Anyhoo! things seem to be going wrong with me for some time. I realized this when today I Borrowed a copy of Smash (a magazine which is essentially a waste of paper and trees, the poor koalas!, or whatever that live in the trees) from a kid and I found an article comparing Twilight to Potter. You know what it said? It said..."Twilight is more realistic because it teaches love and compels today's teenagers to solve their problems themselves while Potter just relies on magic to solve his problem and sits around." Okay..Ahem..Lets just calm down and call the writer a disillusioned bitch and move on.
The point is, you realize there is something very very wrong with the world when you read things like that. It's like some bizarre dream of a Twihard that you got stuck into because you offended Inceptions director by sticking gum in his hair(painful). I also watched Brokeback Mountain yesterday(yes I can hear the sniggers, the lame jokes and the homophobic behaviour, get a life people or better yet, do us a favour and die). It was one of the most depressing film I have ever seen. I think I'm going to be distressed for a week atleast, with the finals approaching too. Thank you God, you have truly made my life a living Heaven. Without the Heaven part which basically makes it hell. Oh whatever...
Another thing; I don't have a car. When my father cam to visit(He live in South Africa, probably enjoying a life full of booze and promiscuity and booze but whatever, I get my laptops and cells. Also if my mother read this she'll probably kill me. With an axe. My father is a saint apparently) he literally begged me to learn driving and riding a bike. Me, being the cool and cynical person I am, refused point blank because everyone knows how to do those things, so I shouldn't right? Wrong, you imbecile! Quite terribly, horribly wrong. Now I have to rely on other people and public transport(Rickshaws..? Mr. American wannabe?). I hate it.We can't have a driver and so I'm basically, you know, screwed.
So yeah..
-Darcy the sad

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Ahem…I have no idea what to name this..:)

For miles and miles you could see the destruction the earthquake had left in its wake. All of the mud houses people had been living in for years,crumbled like ant houses. A new mosque was being built nearby. Workers swarmed the area like ants on an anthill,getting things ready for the Prime minister visit. Cardboard walls were propped on pillars beside the mosque to show the non existent development going on. People were garbed in the same white material of the relief workers. They all looked the same.Their faces etched with the misery they had seen and premature wrinkles forming on their foreheads.

  A teen aged girl was watching all this,sitting on a raft sticking out of what used to be a house. She would have been pretty if she didn’t look dead. Lush brown hair fell in cascades around her heart shaped face. A Greek nose and perfectly formed cherry lips and a complexion like cream with rose petals. The eyes were beautiful too,but they were vacant.Windows to an empty house.They took away all the beauty from her face.

She was wearing the traditional shalwar kameez. It must have been beautiful once. The sleeves frilled with lace and the shirt splashed by a bucket full of different colors. Her green dupatta was flying in the air behind her as though trying to escape her throat to which it was pinned. She looked like a damsel in distress waiting for her prince. The perfect picture of misery,with her head bowed down in her lap and feet hunched up. But there was no prince…just pain.


She should have gotten used to the scenery around her. The fallen down houses,grass growing out sparsely out of the ground,the children walking around barefoot,still perhaps looking for their parents. But she was still living in her own little world. She still thought she was the pedantic little girl who walked around with her nose in the air, feeling sure of her superiority and success. She was destined to be a Queen,she’d gotten scholarships in ever grade,topped every one of them. With a little bit of luck she would be studying abroad by now. In her imagination she was.

She was walking down the corridors of Oxford with the sun shining down on the faces of thousands of people from all over the world. Black,Caucasian,Asian,and South Asians like her. Walking side by side united for education. The elite of the world. The best brains. The reality was far too harsh for her. She couldn’t be stuck in a broken down town in a remote Pakistani area. She was going to be famous. Sitting on a stage,answering the questions of a hundred reporters,a light shining on her face and eager faces from all over the world tuning in to her on their Televisions. She was going to write bestsellers,sing chart toppers. Do whatever it took to be famous and respected all over the world. Be well-known. And she was going to clear the image of Pakistanis as terrorists and extremists. Show it for the peaceful country it was. Run over and by a handful of power hungry maniacs.

  Instead she was sitting here,parents dead,her money squandered by the authorities. Having no future. Having no present. She was alive simply by the power of her imagination.

  There were some other sounds mixed in with the mundane and the innocent now. If she was alert to her surroundings she might have noticed them. As it was, she kept on daydreaming while a young man garbed in black from head to foot  slipped out from behind the shadows. A veil was blowing in the air behind him giving him a surreal appearance. He walked with a feral grace. Putting his feet in precisely the correct place so to not slip in the debris. He suddenly started running, got in front of the Mosque and billowed ‘ALLAH-U-AKBAR’ and slapped his hand on his chest. There was a deafening bang. All the birds in a 5-mile radius flew away in a flurry of wings. There was ash and debris now where the Mosque was. Blackened soot and blood running off the rocks. Limbs and fingers lying in a gross display of carnage. Rafters and broken bricks were lying here and there. some people who were far enough were barely alive,their legs or arms missing or under a broken wall,blood running out of their mouth and a gurgling sound coming out. Somewhere to the side a piece of cloth which might once have been green was pinned under a rock and fluttering in the wind, as though trying to escape. Trying to fly away to Oxford.


Somebody asked me to write an essay for them. So I did. But I also posted it on my blog.I have this need to show off m work. otherwise i die a little. :D

Nobody reads it so He can’t really be discovered…but is it good? :p


Tuesday, September 7, 2010

My brain just exploded....

...and now i have these slimy brain pieces scattered across the room. :(
What a mess!
Why?...you want to know?
Because of this!
If any of you have ideas similar to her...be aware that I seriously seriously hate you.
What type of girl would want a creepy Pedophile as her boyfriends who tells her constantly he wants to kill her and watches her sleep without her knowing?
The author of this article needs a reality check. She says that reality is underrated. But you're living in it dear lady, you better like it or you're going to have a very sad and pathetic life.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Rejected post ;(


Tia(LaGitanaRoja) and me(mrelizabethbennet) wrote a series of random letters and compiled them as a post BUT it got rejected..SADNESS!

But i got fodder for my blog!…This way I don’t have to write anything because i’m a lazy arse and i can still update my blog and not feel like I’m a lazy arse..Here you go:


Dear Paper cut,

Fuck you!


I can alo use obscene words here! yay!

Dear Doctors,

...I'm also not pregnant

Dear Rock singers,

Humans can't hear above a certain frequency range.
Just to let you know.


This one is my favorite!

Dear School,

Burn down.


Dear Keyboard,

If I ran a knife through you, it wouldn’t hurt your soul.
So that'’s okay, right?



Dear Pimple,

I hope you burn in hell. F*** you.


Dear Drivers,

You're on a road. With other people.
Just to let you know.


Dear Mum,

Yes, I brushed my teeth. Yes, I took a shower. YES, I TOOK A GOOD SHOWER. Yes, my room is clean. Yes, so are my clothes. I have also eaten. YES, I drank a cup of milk. Yes, I also ate my vitamins. My HOMEWORK IS ALSO DONE OMAAHGAWD JUST SHOOT ME WHY DON'T YOU?

We don't have to go through this every morning.


There! Are they good?

(Hint: yes, they are)

About the video thing…I still don’t have batteries..I mean I have to get UP! then I have to get my bike out! then i have to ride it there….ehhhh…then i have to remember about the batteries…

UGH….just thinking about it is making me tired…

But my cousin asked my to give him some games on his USB Drive and I asked for his batteries in exchange!

Isn’t that terribly clever of me…?

No…It’s not