Tuesday, June 14, 2011

It was getting hotter and hotter by the second. I saw a girl approaching from far off. I remember thinking "Oh. It's because she's so hot". I don't know why I came to that conclusion but I did. The girl approached me and I could almost feel my face melting off and collecting in a puddle on my feet.
"Hey sweetie" She called.
"Oh, hey!"
"So!" She said with the air of a person about to launch into a detailed narrative. I waited politely.
"So my boyfriend just broke up with me!" She said, not sadly, I noticed.
"You seem awfully bright for a person who just had a breakup"
"Well, Duh! I'm a star! I'm supposed to be bright"
"Ahan" I said, remembering a friend who said 'Ahan' whenever he didn't quite know what to say.
"So Carina asked for a bit of Hydrogen for the ball and I was like, no way!, I knew she seemed a bit down and I didn't want Luke noticing her and anyway I wanted the boys for myself and she was like 'you're so mean' and I was like 'whatever' and then at the ball when I was dancing I tried to grope Luke and I noticed him looking at the bitch all the time, He was all 'Carina Sharina seems a bit down today' I mean what the fuck! I was trying to have a good time and the bastard kept interrupting and then he went away to talk to her and the bitch told her about the Hydrogen thing and he broke up with me. He as all 'you're too mean, you should help people out' like I was fucking Angelina Jolie or something, like I don't have other things to do! Anyway, wanna fuck?"
"Um..no" I said again, quite at a loss for words
"What do you mean Ahan?" She frowned.
" It's just that I didn't know stars could talk" I said stupidly.
"Well I can't, Idiot" She started giggling. I just stared at her with my mouth agape, and then she started shrinking and shrinking until she was a tiny ball of light no bigger than my hand and vanished.
"Ahan" I said to myself, again, quite at a loss for words. Suddenly I remembered why I was outside in this heat. I was supposed to be getting chicken, but I'd lost my way. 'I suppose I can't be that far off.' I started walking in the general direction I thought would lead me to the shop. I walked and walked. I think I walked for quite a long time. It was night now. The sun was gone without me even noticing it's descent. 'weird' I thought. In the dark I could see a blue something approaching me, as it neared I realized it was a T-shirt, and wearing it, the guy from Blue's clues.
'You lost, little boy?' He asked with a leer.
'I..er...no, not really.'
'I bet you can find your way home if you just looked for some...' He let the sentence hang in the air.
'LOL, yeah!"
'You're not supposed to say L-O-L in real life.' I said, feeling instantly that I had made a mistake when I noticed his eyes getting smaller and his face scrunching up. He let out a huge sob.
'Um..are you...are you alright' I asked awkwardly.
'It's just that....that...I have to work in a shitty children's show...a very retarded children's show!....just for some dollars....and...and.....I think I'm losing touch with real life.' He started coming closer and closer. I thought he wanted a hug until he planted a very wet kiss right on my lips.
'DUDE' I pushed him away. 'What the fuck are you doing?'
'Wait.." He paused awkwardly, the tears forgotten. 'Aren't you gay?'
'No, no I'm not!'
'Aw, come on man!'
'Stop pretending! I won't judge'
'That's rather offensive Mr.Blues clues guy. I am very much straight' I said, rather offended. He let out a huger sob.
'I AM NOT THE BLUE'S CLUES GUY! I HAVE FEELINGS TOO! I CAN'T KEEP LOOKING FOR STUPID CLUES' He ran away into the dark doing the Jazz hands and shouting profanities.
"Ahan" I said again, to no one. I was saying 'Ahan' a lot today, I noticed.
I walked on and on again it seemed for a very long time. This days was turning rather peculiar, I thought. Suddenly from out of nowhere a branch whacked my face. 'Fuck!' I yelled loudly.
'Duuude!, You can't say fuck!' A blue caterpillar sitting on the branch said to me.
'Why not?' I had stopped getting alarmed now.
'Because I say so!'
'You've said that about 'twenty three thousand, two hundred, seventy three' times in your life.
'Ahan' I said bewildered. The caterpillar was better than me at maths!
'That doesn't really require maths, just observance'
'Ahan' I said again.
'That makes it 'twenty three thousand, two hundred, seventy four'
'Ahan' I said again.
'That makes it-
'Oh I know!'
'Oh wow look! A bottle' He pointed with his face downwards towards the road. I picked it up. 'Drink me' It was written on it. I opened the bottle and drank it'
'What was that?' I asked the carterpillar.
'A potion that makes you shrink'
'Really?' I asked. I shouldn't be surprised, I thought.
'No you retard, It's probably poison or maybe alcohal. You're not in fucking wonderland!'
'That makes it-'
'Oh, shut up!' Now that I thought about it, I was feeling a bit dizzy.
A light was looming towards me drunkenly. I realized it was the sun rising really fast. Like somebody had put it in fast motion. The shop was right in front of me. I bought some chicken while the shopkeeper looked at me strangley. I looked in a mirror propped to the side and realized I was moving in a circle drunkenly, all the while singing Bloody Mary by Lady Gaga. I got the chicken and ran home like my non-existent tail was on fire. All of a sudden a ditch rose in front of me and I almost fell in it but saved myself at the last second. But my chicken fell in.
Oh well.., I thought.
I went back home and banged on the door. My sister opened it and greeted me with a frown.
'You were gone for like, a day'
"That makes it 'twenty three thousand, two hundred, seventy five' She said with a clever smile.
'WHERE'S YOUR CYCLE?'My mother shouted from her room.
'You lost it didn't you! Get out of my house! GET OUT'
I made my way out the house and sat at the foot of the gate while passerbys laughed at pointed at my face. Apparently, somebody had drawn a moustache on my face.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

I think I should mention before saying anything else, that in about 9 hours, I have my Biology A level, which it turns out is horrendously difficult. Made much more difficult by the incompetence of our teacher. >.< So naturally, I write a post and waste about 2 hours on Youtube.
Also, Is naming your post as difficult for you as it is for me? I could just sit there for about an hour staring at the wall and nothing would occur to me. By the by a spider has been staring at me for the past 3 hours as it did about a week ago. No spider, no, I am not trisexual. Also, i hate your species, especially after that traumatizing scene in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.
I have been feeling, to put it mildly, rather horny in the past few weeks. I guess I understand now what Aunty meant by the 'Monster of Hornitude' or whatever it was. It is a cruel, cruel thing. My imagination runs rather wildly, naked too.
Have you yet realized that I can't think of anything useful to say? Me, too. Oh hey, btw I got my name in a magazine! The school magazine, which kind of sucks and there are only about four articles worth reading and the font would make your eyes and ears bleed simultaneously and one of the article actually made me barf and the editor doesn't even know the difference BETWEEN THERE AND THEIR AND THERE ARE TONS OF SPELLING MISTAKES AND SOME ARTICLES ARE CLEARLY RIPPED FROM HARRY POTTER AND...ahem..yeah. But still, It feels nice to have your name in the editorial board. :)
So what should I do now? Clearly, watching more videos on youtube and reading about the 10 most bizarre things people in the Arab countries do isn't the answer. So I shall go and study some more. Or maybe accidentally-on-purpose stab myself with the book cover and die. Biology sucks.

Sunday, April 24, 2011


One thing I love about blogging is the themes. No matter the visitor, followers or the sense of accomplishment you get after writing a post, the different themes are the best part of blogging. At least for me. This might be because I just won a Photography competition in school,(YES I DID!) and am feeling a bit artistic, but that's beside the point. So here we go, another theme! :)
This thing reminds me of my childhood. While I can go on and rant about the homework and the chores, what I really miss is the innocence. And I know that sounds incredibly cheesy and tacky but It's true. Wouldn't it be nice not to know about all the bad things and just stay in a safe little bubble of your imagination? Yes, yes it would. I really miss that. And so I dedicate this theme to our lost innocence!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

A Glorified Rant..

I call it glorified because people usually don't rant on blogs. Or maybe they do, I couldn't care less...and that's just the point. I don't feel like caring about anything. I suppose this is just another phase of the mad phase of life called Teendom. I feel like my pet chihuahua named pinky died, even though i hate little dogs and would gouge my eyes out before I name anything pinky.
Anyhoo! things seem to be going wrong with me for some time. I realized this when today I Borrowed a copy of Smash (a magazine which is essentially a waste of paper and trees, the poor koalas!, or whatever that live in the trees) from a kid and I found an article comparing Twilight to Potter. You know what it said? It said..."Twilight is more realistic because it teaches love and compels today's teenagers to solve their problems themselves while Potter just relies on magic to solve his problem and sits around." Okay..Ahem..Lets just calm down and call the writer a disillusioned bitch and move on.
The point is, you realize there is something very very wrong with the world when you read things like that. It's like some bizarre dream of a Twihard that you got stuck into because you offended Inceptions director by sticking gum in his hair(painful). I also watched Brokeback Mountain yesterday(yes I can hear the sniggers, the lame jokes and the homophobic behaviour, get a life people or better yet, do us a favour and die). It was one of the most depressing film I have ever seen. I think I'm going to be distressed for a week atleast, with the finals approaching too. Thank you God, you have truly made my life a living Heaven. Without the Heaven part which basically makes it hell. Oh whatever...
Another thing; I don't have a car. When my father cam to visit(He live in South Africa, probably enjoying a life full of booze and promiscuity and booze but whatever, I get my laptops and cells. Also if my mother read this she'll probably kill me. With an axe. My father is a saint apparently) he literally begged me to learn driving and riding a bike. Me, being the cool and cynical person I am, refused point blank because everyone knows how to do those things, so I shouldn't right? Wrong, you imbecile! Quite terribly, horribly wrong. Now I have to rely on other people and public transport(Rickshaws..? Mr. American wannabe?). I hate it.We can't have a driver and so I'm basically, you know, screwed.
So yeah..
-Darcy the sad