Me

Sooo….todaaay…

I was strutting around my room pretending to be my mother when i saw the most amazing thing. A beautiful charming somebody.And i thought to myself who could this charming young man be?

Turns out i was staring in the mirror. So i realized i kind of look cute. Sooo for your benefit…..and you should be really grateful, I’m posting a picture(edited in photoshop for extra effects like the length of the nose) of myself. There you go:

 

        

I hope your face isn’t melting of from my hotness. But if it is I’m sorry.

Also if you’re going to propose me, proceed! only I’m studying right now so you might have to wait. But I’m sure you won’t mind waiting if you get ME.

But you’re probably dead from the heat waves coming off your desktop. Oh…yeah. Sorry about that.

Baaaa!

That’s going to be a famous Bye alternative one day…believe me!

Seriously!

I changed my font.I think this one looks more friendly.

Sooo….This is what happened to me this week:

  I was lying down in my bed reading a book(The Golem’s eye) and occasionally checking my pulse to see if maybe I'd died of the heat(45C), when suddenly i had a brilliant idea! My mother and sister were sleeping. I as the only one awake so why don’t I go get some jaman ?My mother hates them, I love them, so naturally they’re not allowed in the house.

   So i got out of the house. heedless of the scorching sun, cycled to the fruit shop and turned back without the slightest worry in my mind,images of luxuries flitting through my mind(lying down with a bowl full of fruit reading a book with my legs propped up on the wall with GOOD music playing in the background and lights off…that’s luxury for me). As i was thinking of this a horrible thought flitted it’s way in my mind. GUESS WHAT?!?!!?!? Mr-Self-proclaimed-Genius locked himself out of the house without a key!

Oh God…you can’t imagine my horror….I panicked! Hurriedly i estimated my monetary value…the clothes i was wearing were about 1400 Rupees,my mobile about 13000Rupees,My cycle 300Rupees=17200Rupees in total. And if they cut of my hands and legs and made me beg the riches were indefinite. For the first time I acknowledged the existence of the sun and possible molesters and cycle snatchers and maybe even fruit snatcher(who knows?) MY FRUITS!!!  I’m sure you can’t imagine the heat….so i suggest an experiment…..1.boil some water

                    2.put it in a bucket

                    3.throw it on yourself

BUT if you maybe like your skin unblemished, better not do it.

Fortunately nothing exciting happened…i just cycled around here and there(with sweat running down my face and going in my nose and almost drowning me). Incidentally I also ate the jamans. After an hour i gathered enough courage to knock and fortunately for me she was alreadu awake9saving me a lot of scolding)

So an entire afternoon wasted. :( UNDER a searing scorching sun)

and guess whose fault all of this was? That’s right! The man who thought that houses should have doors. You might think I’m spewing nonsense here but seriously we DON’T need doors! If for example we didn’t have a horrible metal gate at our house i would have been able to enter it without any cumbersome(it’s Really heavy) key. I would have been saved the trouble of being mortally afraid of potential molesters. I am so not going to have a door in my house.

Bye People!

P.S Take off your door today!

 

I’m invisible OR Insubstantial

A number of events today led me to realize that i might be invisible Or unsubstantial or maybe both.Or probably just out of Confidence Pants.You might be thinking’ How awesome is THAT?? Not very much..i can tell you. Soooo this is what happened…

First incident:-

I went to the bank to get some cash.There was this very long queue in front of the teller’s station.What’s more…It’s 45C here and i was almost drowning in my sweat despite the Air Conditioners.My mind was boggled and confused and and my thoughts were to say the least CRAZY.My brain was all….AM I GOING TO DIE..…WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?????IS THE WORLD ENDING??????wow …..that girl looks hot!PLEASE GOD DON’T LET ME DIE…I NEED TO BECOME A GREAT SUCCESSFUL SOMETHING BEFORE DYING……IS THIS THE FREAKING APOCALYPSE???????IS IT 2012 ALREADY????

Why would i pause to consider a girl's hotness in the middle of an(albeit imagined)Apocalypse…i have no idea..One more thing…it was the day when all the people from all the galaxies and dimensions come to collect their salaries therefore all sorts of ill-scented people were there…I could smell marijuana and beer and cigarettes and several as yet unidentified scents.Then this very intelligent man from behind me says(very pleasantly)’Are you here to cash your check’ and crazy as i am, i shouted ’NO I’M HERE FOR A FREAKING SEX ORGY’(which is a very offensive thing to say in a bank…or anywhere for that matter)Ah Well OK…..I didn't actually say that but i might as well have said that, because i mean here i am, standing in front of the teller’s station, waiting for my turn,what else do you think i was doing?But even though i didn’t say that, the previously jovial man stared at me weirdly like i did say that(maybe that was because i just stared at him instead of answering).

After what seemed like a mathematically Impossible time it was my turn. AND THE GUY FREAKING IGNORED ME BECAUSE HE HAD A CALL!!! Even after the call he just sat there shuffling notes! So plucking up my courage I said in a stuttering voice:’er…’ That’s exactly what i said.Then Thank GOD he noticed me…I got the cash and ran away from the not-very-pleasant-bodily-odors like my non-existent tail was on fire.

Second incident:-

I was cycling when these two ladies practically apparate in front of me(wtf???why didn’t i turn the bold option off? and btw they WERE witches….DAMN IT! why didn’t i grab their wands? They looked all wrinkly an which-like)and THEN START SHOUTING AT ME because apparently i didn’t knew how to ride a bicycle, was insolent….preposterous for not agreeing with them and the children of this generation are all rotten through and through and what kind of people would let such a bad mannered child loose on the world anyway? Oh God what was the world coming to??Surely The Apocalypse was near.

And all because they apparated in front of me.Witches! And also the word that rhymes with that.

Third incident:-

Is the bold thingy off?no it isn’t. I mean it wasn’t.well the third one wasn’t that big. It only proved My theory of invisibility(which sounds kind of cool) I went to buy some fruits and even though i was the first one to get there the guy just ignored me until i asked him.

There….I am invisible…..or maybe just stupid.

Now that I’ve started writing i just can’t seem to stop.Because its so goddamned FUN! Oh wait…My mother just called me.Well saying CALLED me is kind of an understatement because she let loose a guttural feral snarl which would even summon hellish demons so who am I to resist?A pathetic poor human? But I also feel like ending this post rather----

HEY! LOOK BEHIND RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!

There…..That was pretty dramatic.

Ciao folks!

-Arshman